I AM A PRINCESS. YES I AM. in my dreams lo =)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

也许，是我太高估自己了吧。以为很多事一定会如此，自然会这样天，天真地相信，只要我拿出真诚的心对待别人，也会受到同样的对待，我为人人，人人为我。可是，那是妄想吧。因为，事实不是那样的。。。

也许，是我对自己的要求太高了吧。以为只要下定决心就什么都办得到，但却忽略了往目的地的途中，是不愉快的，即使到达了目的地也只充满悲伤。做人，不过于认真，会活得更出色吧？

也许，是我自己太害怕犯错误了吧。以为一旦做错事，或做的事没达到一定的标准，就会失去身边的一切。然而，却忘记了，所谓的标准，是自己心里的高墙，故意刁难自己，还有，没有人会在意我是否犯错。

多年来，经过孤独的生活和自己一味的想法，我已渐渐潜意识地在身边筑起高高的围墙，准备了一个我随时能钻进去避难的壳，但却忘记了若总在壳边，没有人会敢靠近。我，很在意别人如何看我，但却忘了，别人如何看自己并不重要，最重要的是自己对自己的看法。我总叮咛自己不要犯错，因为我害怕承受犯错的后果，害怕别人不原谅我，但是，非常多时候，别人其实已经原谅了你，但你自己却无法承认作出此事，无法原谅自己，无法走出那个框框，所以总是以为别人还没原谅你。可是，就如同若你要别人尊重你，你就要先尊重你自己；若要别人原谅你，你就要先原谅你自己。

penned wholeheartedly @ 9:41 PM

Sunday, April 26, 2009

最近，发觉有些歌的歌词很有意义。。。

612 星球 SHE

我但愿有一个人在等我在属于我的612星球

好让我忍着痛也愿意往下走不快乐至少要有梦

一定会有一个人在等我无条件拥抱着我的所有

相遇前我还要翻越多少山丘花别谢太快请你等等我

我不想忘记你郭静

我努力想起你笑着哭泣让自己深爱你才学会放弃

我不想忘记你就算可以我宁可记得所有伤心

我努力想起你哭也没关系用祝福和感激勇敢失去你

爱你这个决定虽然艰辛我不说对不起

我不是你想象的那么勇敢梁文音

我不是你想象那么勇敢多想让你保护能流泪一场

让我放下武装像个孩子一样单纯地把爱情放在你心上

我不是你想象总是扮演坚强多想让你知道我也要个伴

放下讨厌的武装像个孩子一样单纯地把爱情放在你心上

我不会唱歌周定纬

都说我不会唱歌我的嗓音没有那么独特

但我保持一份自信保留我的个性你们说我还行不行

别说我不会唱歌我的声音就算没有特色

可是我还有份热情要让你们开心你们说我还行不行

penned wholeheartedly @ 5:36 PM

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

You know, sometimes, life, just. sucks. It's like, when you know you are doomed for your Bio Exam, that you suddenly lost al the important stuff, and that you didn't get any Ben & Jerry's today. =X

But, on another side, life, is a miracle. It. Rocks! Like, when you have a darn cute little nephew! Hi there Lucas Lee En Wei! Welcome to the world, welcome to my life!! Love you forever!

penned wholeheartedly @ 11:20 PM

Sunday, April 19, 2009

刚刚读了学禾的blog的post，有着一段话，意味深长。。。

“。。。如果无论如何换座，班上关系最好的朋友总是坐在你周围的这几个

那你就很危险了
你就很可能是不会维持友谊的人
亲近只能建立在空间上的接近的基础之上”

你们看了有什么想法？

penned wholeheartedly @ 1:29 AM

Saturday, April 18, 2009

eh freak la. walao eh. damn pissed this morning la. walao walao walao eh. freaking hell. shucks la. stupid. darn it. not my fault rite. come up jiu scold scold scold. then ony direct to me. as if all my fault like that. shucks la. if i hav wrong is onli that i trusted her and didnt double check la. freaking hell. like that oso scold. and scold for sth i did not do. u jus encouraging me not to trust her rite. i oredi very good to her liao hor. freaking hell. i reach i see everyone there of cos i join in rite. and then she was there and they were there and they were all practising. then wad i do. ignore them and walk up. wad if they were really supposed to be there. then i would be wrong if i walk away rite. thats why i join them ma. freaking. i tot is lyk they were told to go there to practise so i join wad. walao eh. as soon as i noe not supposed to be there i oredi ask all of them to go up liao wad. they still wanted to continue de lorh. i ask them go up then i step into the hall first with them behind then u see me start scolding. hell la. as if i ask them to go down and not listen to u lyk tt. walao eh. u biased to ur damn freaking girl or wad. when they were there she was the one in charge ok b4 me and em reach. and if she was there, it means that it is her mistake that she did not stop them from continuing, did not move them up. or perhaps rite from the start is she ask all of them go there practise de lorh. then keep scolding me for wad. i noe i got wrong la, my wrong is tt i so damn stupidly believe and trusted her that she was leading them as told by teachers to practise there. ok. i noe my mistake. i wun do that again ok. and pls dun anyhow scold ppl can. i was leading them up as quickly as possible. and then wad. u see me at the front u tot is i ask them go down practise then i noe shld not be then so lead them up de ha. walao eh. ppl explain to u then u listen la. i explain say when i see them and HER there then i tot they were told by a teacher, maybe u or the other one, tt they are supposed to practise there, so i jus joined them and didnt double check. then wad u say harh. "NO!" then i try to explain more then wad u say. "how many ppl heard me ytd then we shld meet here. why are u all downstairs" and then stupid la. u say say say to them then look at me. as if i was the one tt lead them to all the mistake and i owe u an explanation lyk tt. freak la. u see ur own tone la. how u treat ur students. ppl explaining then u jus anyhow say. no matter how angry oso mus listen rite. or dun say sth so bad la. walao eh. at least say sth lyk "really? so u mean when u reach they were there practising already? no i did not ask them to. so ***** was there? why didnt she ask them to come up". at least sth lyk tt rite. wad. protecting ur baby girl ah. walao eh. freak la. she nvr even do anything then keep opposing us. keep breaking rules. as if very pro lyk tt. as if superior to others lyk tt. ppl giving instructions then at one side talk talk make noise laugh laugh. wa lao eh. i nvr turn ard say "eh can u pls keep quiet and sit down and listen to the instructions. u are the **, shld noe this better than the rest rite. u shld be the one giving a good example rite." oredi very good liao hor. giv u so much face still dunno. freak la. and u are also a member wad. same as them. no exceptions. why are u at the back talking. i let u stand there oredi close one eye liao hor. i could jus ask u to sit down with them right from the start and then they will see u being reprimanded. everytym practising oso lyk tink u so good then stand far far away so near to. ohwell. nvm. is u ownself draw the dividing line btw u and us de ok. so if ppl dun lyk u is not their fault. cos is u make de. sometimes i dunno if bcos of the ppl ard me i am biased against u, or is the thoughts cos of my own feelings without other influences. i hav always tried to clear all the other thoughts and views of other ppl on my mind and see u from ur point of view, trying to understand ur every action. budden, even if i do that, i still have many unknowns on ur behaviour, and i would have the same thoughts. i tell myself tt i shld try more, tt u might hav a reason, tt if so i shld not be blaming u, tt no one would genuin;ely wan ppl to hate them. but. no matter how hard i try. i still cant get the ans. u noe there's this thing that goes: if u tell urself repeatedly, many many times, that u shld not love this person and that u shld stop, it jus means that u ARE oredi, currently, presently, in love with this person, and most probably cant stop anytime soon. i tink it can apply here to. if i'm trying very hard for myself to find a reason for ur weird doings, it jus means tt, there is no reason for them. ohwell, heck la. freak. i shall jus forget abt this morn's thing. but freak la damn pissed. totally injustice. damn la. walao eh. i hate ppl who accuse me of sth i didnt do ok. freak. i will freakingly learn from my mistake and do not trust her so easily. ohwait i mean. do not trust her anymore. so perhaps u shld learn from ur mistake and listen to ppl when they are explaining things. ok? thanks. thats it.

oops. ok. i'm sry. it jus. bursted out. i couldnt control. ohwell. erms. anyway i went to bathe. then i come back. then i reread the post. then i type this. aiya. ignore all that. maybe they dun rly noe tt wad they did affected ppl alot. ohwell. and i noe i'm wrong to write that. sorry, the both of u. firstly, u might be rly angry and did not rly heard wad i say so u ignored me. sorry for writing that and not respecting u. sorry for causing the delay. i shld have known that i shld check. and i shldnt blame on her. sorry. but. i jus wanna lat u noe that. ur response in the morning really upset me. i, really did not expect this kind of accusation. for the previous time abt the dress code, yes, i noe i could have done better but. u shld not have said tt la. sometimes, i dunno if it is on purpose or u jus dunno how much words can hurt, but wad u say sometimes are too harsh. and, today, i rly rly did not do anything gravely wrong. u shld not have looked at me lyk tt, and talked and accused me lyk tt. for this part, i do not feel that i did anything wrong. my conscience is clear that i did not lead them down, i did not ask them to continue, i did not purposely disobey ur orders. i did nth of these wrong. so for this i dun feel any sorry or guilt. but yes, i noe tt i could have done better by checking. so for this, i am really sorry. so yes, i have admitted wad i have done wrong, and maybe u shld too. u shld, rly, listen. ohwell maybe its cos today too rush and u misunderstood tt i did all those? from now on, pls listen to all of us okay? oh then, er, HER. ok to u, erm. i'm sorry tt i said so much bad things abt u here. i apologise for all the unglam words hurled at u in the post. but, my thoughts are true and honest. sometimes, i think tt u isolate urself from us, and then u tink tt u are above us, and can do ur own thing, and ignorant abt all the others. and, i am really honest that i have repeatedly tried to understand what u are doing. but. i cant. i tink i noe wad to do. i rly wanna help u, and help myself too. i wan to help u to bcum a better person, one that less ppl dun lyk. i wan to help u to understand wad ppl tink of u, and i wan to understand why u did those. i wan to help u to bcum someone that all like and welcome. and then. in the meantime. i would be helping the ppl. i would help them to reduce the dislike i would help them to change an enemy to a fren. i would help them to accept ppl and unite us. also. i would be helping myself. i would help myself to get rid of the burden thats weighing me down bit by bit and i'm jus inches of the surface. i would help myself to get rid of the unknowns abt u in my mind. i would help myself to start to understand u, to accept u, to like u, to trust u, to treat u jus lyk everyone else. but. firslty. very very importantly. will u listen to me? maybe not like for the deep conversations or wad la but. will u listen? so far whnvr there's sth to decide or we hav some views, u hav always been opposing. for once, seriously, for ur sake, for my sake, for their sake, will u listen? will u think abt it carefully? will u agree? ppl who can speak, mus first know how to listen. u can speak very well, but, i dun see the listening part of u. i hav been keeping quite low and observing all of us through these months, and, i really have some things that i wan to tell u. but. ohwell. yea. i hope u can listen... ...

penned wholeheartedly @ 11:54 PM

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Okayy it's been a long time since I last posted. I know that. It is because of the common test week and the mounting homwork and projects, you can't blame me on that okay. Just a few random stuff before I got to sleep.

1. YAY i passed my 2.4km walk/run. 17:34 !! ok maybe it's darn slow for some people but it means a lot to me! It is the first ever time I passed my long distance walk/run component in NAPFA since P3 okay? I'm darn happy with myself. I don't know what made me pass it this morning. I have not trained for like three weeks due to the term break and rainy tuesdays. But hohoho when I heard that I've finished my first round in 2:16 and second round in 5:48, I was super super hopeful that i passed! and YAY i did it!! YAY YAY YAY! hahah. ok now it means that I have to train harder for my other 5 stations... Oh and thanks to all who cheered for me today, thanks 305 peeps (ok we rock. this is the first time I've said it in like 3months into this year. but yes, through today's 2.4km when all of us cheered for everyone else, yea, we really rock. it'll be a nice 2 years to come with all of you!), thanks 203 girls (oh yes we still rock! thanks chris, for tapping me on the shoulder cos you're saving energy so you didnt talk? ohwell it means alot still XD. thanks bev, yea for cheering me on. thanks ziyi, thanks wen hui... I still remember my rerun for last year's 2.4km, the 203 girls took turns and ran with me for all 6 rounds. Okay now I really miss 203. Ohwell. We still rock. And we will forever.), thanks zhi sheng and xuehe, being the only two guys who cheered me on at that side of the track cos the others don't really know me, thanks zikri (and shahid? ok sorry i'm not sure i didnt see properly) for cheering me on at that side of the track cos yea the others don't really know me, thanks abigail lum, ting ting, amanda lim, and thanks for su hang for running with me and cheering me on when running, and of course abigail (305) who ran with me and pushed me on in the rounds. I will remember that foreva! Next year, we shall train together and run together okayy? Ya that's it for point number one of my post. ohwait before i end, barney he jun rui is so pro today la. 9mins lehh!! its lyk, omgggg... ok rui, jiayous ok? next year get an 8! hahha. lucky number no? barney, rock on!

2. Ohwell the test results. Quite okay la. Ya la. Some super better than expected, some not really. But, I've got an octahedral from Miss Teh!! Hahah ok those in 305 will know what I mean. ohwell. There's still bio test to be returned, and I'm really scared of that, cos the night before I was very sick. Ohwell for other subj also but bio is more. AND, if I can study better when I'm sick, it is not a very good thing. HAH

3. Today there's choir's performance for music week @ the concourse. Quite successful! YAY choir rocks! I like the second verse of tsubasa o kudasai where the sopranos sang melody and the others sang the other parts. It sounded reallllyyyy nice. Wonderful combination! OH GREAT JOB CHOIR! i'm so loving choir now, much more than before! We are so going to get choir tee soon, and even better, choir vest. Then we'll request for more budget (heh) and we may request to build a choir room (heh heh) and we may request to build a stage in the room (heh heh heh). Then next year we will have many new recruits (heh heh heh heh) and we will grow into a choir of 50++ 60++ people (heh heh heh heh heh) which by then will be even more people than er, badminton/sch orch/ astro? then we will join SYF and we will win a gold medal (heh heh heh heh heh heh) and we will have even more budget and we can make a choir uniform that is heavily subsidised (heh heh heh heh heh heh heh). ok i shall stop dreaming. but ohwell. dreams really do come true! <- from somewhere over the rainbow.

4. Oh i bought a new watch today. It's cute. HAH

5. Yesterday went to watch CSS2 with hui min and wei han. The special guest is feilunhai, that's why got a lot of people, and they are so darn freaky screamish. And their scream is darn high pitch. Make me feel so restless at times. Then wei han thought I angry. Ok maybe I am, but not at him la. Hah. ohwell. It was nice luhh. OH OH wei han commented on the participants when they sing, then when the judges comment, they say the same thing, then wei han so er, cocky? hahahah ok something like that. then i was about to kill him XD hahahha ohwell night outings with friends are always fun XD AND I'm looking forward to the hunting seeking trip to semakau!! It's SLEEPOVER!!! YAYness!

Ok it's 1am now. 1hr since april's fool started. Let's see who's the fool later. Hhahha. I shall go to sleep so that i will be more awake tmr and make sure i WONT be the fool. HAH. ok nights XD

penned wholeheartedly @ 12:36 AM